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Beauty, Femininity....and Me?

Sun, 08 Nov 2009 21:34:49 GMT

Last weekend I was combing my hair, and thinking that hotels really are something of a reality check for me. The fluorescent lighting is not flattering for skin tones, all the blemishes and wrinkles seem magnified, and somehow I always find another white hair--not to mention all those full length mirrors don’t lie (though I wish they did). I was having this beauty crisis when we went over to Barnes and Noble where I picked up Set-Apart Femininity by Leslie Ludy. Did I ever find soul-food.

The whole subject of femininity is something I’ve been thinking about off and on the last year. For years I shied away from the word because it sounded prissy to me. I’m not a lace and tea party kind of girl. Even super-soft voices or supreme sweetness get to me after awhile. Let’s be REAL. You know? On the other hand, I do appreciate graciousness,.   There is nothing beautiful about a woman who is sloppy or always loud or unmannerly. For some reason, I saw the two extremes as the options.

In the last couple years, I’ve started seeing another example. I’ve gotten to know a girl who has such grace, but her style is a lot like mine. She likes funky colors. She wears square heels much more than pointy. She would be more likely to serve foods on chunky ceramics than fine china. She’d go for polka dots or stripes over floral, but she doesn’t shun everything pink or soft or ruffled or…well, feminine. She is somehow modern and feminine all in one. I like it a lot.

While I was talking with an older lady about aging she said, “You know, there are women who are so beautiful because of who they are in Jesus . They have become so much like Him, that when you look at them you really see Him. I don’t even notice that they have wrinkles. (And even their wrinkles are different because they come from smiling instead of wrinkles from an uptight expression.)” Whenever I hear that, I know it’s all so true! Yet, I also feel the tug of wanting to be an attractive person.

--You know how sometimes you meet someone and her looks really aren’t outstanding. Then you get to know her and you start seeing her as a very, very beautiful person?
--Or at first you think she’s so beautiful. Later you notice that it’s not her features, but who she is…her radiance, her personality?
--Or when you’re with her, you always think she is so pretty. When you see a picture of her, you’re surprised that she’s not actually that stunning. (On the other hand, you see a picture and think she’s beautiful. In real life her demeanor and spirit negate the beauty you thought was there.)
--Other women are just plain beautiful in a way that strikes you the minute you see them. They‘re 100% pretty.

We so often hear that it’s what is inside that really matters (and it is); but I think we all feel the desire to be the kind of beauty you recognize immediately--not just once you’ve learned to know us. We often feel we don’t measure up.   In Set-Apart Femininity Ludy says, Such is the dilemma of all too many Christian young women today. We are told to appreciate our own unique beauty and accept ourselves for who we are. Meanwhile, we are constantly assaulted by a world that insists we aren’t alluring enough--that we need to change our bodies, our clothes, and our personalities in order to be more appealing. Why don’t we see ourselves as beautiful?   Is it our perceptions? Is it only that the world has influenced our view of beauty?

And later the definition for femininity: Set-apart femininity blends the classic womanly grace and dignity of an Audrey Hepburn with the sacrificial, poured-out-for Christ lifestyle of an Amy Carmichael. It’s true feminine beauty merged with absolute abandonment to Jesus Christ. It’s the sparkling vibrant, world-altering Christ-like version of femininity that your King created you to exude.

I don’t think these two quotes alone nearly give a good representation of the book. Still, while I gobbled up each word I read, and knew it was all so good, my question remains. What about physical beauty? No, we shouldn’t measure our beauty by the world’s standards. Yes, each of us has a unique beauty. Yes, each of us is beautiful just as God created us. Yes, there will always be someone else who we think is so much prettier and makes us feel unattractive in comparison. No, we shouldn’t compare ourselves to others. Why, then, do we so desperately want it?

I’m also trying to make sense of how this applies to women in general and how it’s different for me coming from my conservative Mennonite background. In the community where I grew up, people didn’t talk about looks. On my wedding day, someone told me, “You look beautiful, Christy….but every bride is beautiful.”

Okay, I know this is very much a ramble and disorganized and sort of about femininity and sort of about beauty and has no definite direction or conclusion….but if you have made any sense out of it, I really want to hear what you’re thinking. What do you think about beauty?    Do we over-emphasize it?   And mainly, is there any importance there? (And don’t be afraid to disagree with me. I’m not afraid of debate.)

[A little more about the book: I didn’t write this down, so I can’t quote, but one of my favorite lines from the book was on sacrificing. She was talking about a missionaries who gave everything--bicycle, food…everything they had to people who had less than them. That is sacrifice. Yet we feel good about ourselves if we do a short-term missions trip with our favorite magazine, ipod, and cell phone in tow. This whole book is about living a radical Christian life. She expresses my ideals….the ones I’ve kind of forgotten about while I’ve gotten pretty comfortable with normal life.

I wish I would have taken notes on another part--it‘s not on physical beauty, but that inner beauty. It has been bothering me when I hear it, so I guess that‘s why I just loved reading it in a book--Many contemporary Christian books and conferences are teaching women to reconnect with the beauty within them. But really, there is nothing beautiful that is of ourselves. Any beauty in us is because of God; searching within ourselves for real beauty is futile.]

Tuesday, November 03, 2009

Tue, 03 Nov 2009 00:44:07 GMT

Pictures of our life---

Ian has discovered his toes and also his voice. Right now he's telling a story in a deep guttural grunts. He's so pleased with himself--much like a man who's enjoying his bass morning voice.

important moments--
[The first time Zachary said, "Mommy, take a picture of me."]

[Zachary's first portraiture]

This past weekend we got to leave on a mini-vacation. Someone had booked a hotel then had something else come up. Instead of canceling their reservation, in a grand case of generosity let us benefit instead!!! They told Steve he deserved a vacation after all the long hours he'd been putting in at school. We thoroughly enjoyed every minute!!! The mountains aren't where we would normally plan our vacations, so it was kind of neat to do something different from the norm. It was thoroughly relaxing and by the time we came back the tired yawns and shoulder knots were replaced with contented sighs.

We visited a train museum:

The details were amazing and intriguing. The traffic lights even changed colors.

Drove around on the Blue Ridge Parkway:

Zachary was explaining the definition of a valley to Teddy II. He was SURE that these mountains were close to Grammie and Grandpa's house. It did look a lot like Virginia.

The leaves were a week or two past their peak, but still very pretty.

--charmed--

While his window was down, a leaf floated in.

Swam, relaxed, hung out at Barnes and Noble, drank coffee, ate good food, played in the leaves and other nice things like that:

A rainy day + a 3 year old boy + canvas sneakers--not my brainiest moment.

We're still smiling.

To the Parents of My Husband’s Students:

Fri, 23 Oct 2009 17:48:00 GMT

When he leaves for work long before the sun rises, and when Saturdays and evenings mean time at school or algebra textbooks to study and tests to grade, I hope you realize how blessed you are to have a dedicated teacher.
While I bathe the boys and pack the bag each night so that we can be ready to go out the door as soon as Steve gets home and showers, I hope you are grateful for the extra hours he spends tutoring your child after school.
When I listen to hours of talk about football, debates, and ideas, I hope you value a teacher who relates with your child on his level.
When our evening discussions center around problem-solving, teaching strategies, and behavior modification, I hope you appreciate how much energy is poured into many levels of your child’s growth.
When my husband comes home exhausted physically and emotionally with less stamina for dealing with an emotional wife and an energetic son, I really, really hope you appreciate how much of his life is given to your teenager.
When we cut social events short or skip them altogether, I hope you recognize the cheerful and calm atmosphere in the classroom.
When I stay at home with the boys during board meetings and teacher-parent interactions, have supper interrupted with a phone call about assignments, wait after church while you discuss progress, or get our family ready in time to arrive early for events, I hope you appreciate the wisdom and dedication that is being channeled.

When our shopping trips include stops at the library, Dick’s Sporting Goods, and the teacher supply store, and when extra time is spent picking up trash, dust mopping the gym, and cleaning up after the last group to use the school house, I hope you care that the small details have been well attended to.
When you wonder if you're making any progress, I hope you also know that your student has another adult who loves him and prays for him.

I really can't even write this without saying that we've been terribly spoiled by the parents of Steve's students. I know they do appreciate the work he does...of, course we always love to hear those words.

This week Steve's dad is having revival meetings at Cold Springs. Both of his parents are here. They're actually staying at a guest house just down the road since we don't have a second bed. But we've been together some throughout the week. We've been lucky enough to be invited for meals with them, so I've gotten a week nearly free from cooking! Zachary LOVES having them around and also likes the tour of toys. He's always excited about finding out what toys the next house has. :)

This week has been pretty exhausting. It's the last week of the quarter at school and Steve has been putting in l-o-n-g days. He gets home and showers and we leave for supper. He's been at all the meetings except for last night's. Several girls from our church offered to babysit children 3 years old and younger during the services. It has been a lifesaver for us. Zachary has been too excited to sleep some days, and he is often red-eyed and hyper. I'm just so glad we don't have to keep him quiet during church, yet.

Gotta run...

Stopping to Catch my breath for a minute

Fri, 16 Oct 2009 15:53:51 GMT

Crazy, insane schedule this week....Having lots of thoughts about being genuine, filling our void for Jesus with other things, and self discipline. By the time I have time to blog about any of them, the thoughts will be probably have become lost....Restoring order in an ignored house and lnaudry room...Hoping that Zachary will break his bad cycle of not napping. He made it five, yes, FIVE days in a row with keeping himself awake during naptime....Trying to think what I should make for the fellowship dinner on Sunday....Happy that Ian is not vomiting anymore and is gaining weight...This is the kind of angel baby he is...

Okay, deep breath...off I run again.

Italian Dining from My Kitchen

Sat, 10 Oct 2009 18:06:28 GMT

Oh, it was fun! And lots of work. But so worth it. Thank you SO much for your suggestions and for getting me inspired. Special thanks to:
--Janelle for making connections with her friend...
--Andi who sent me recipes from...
-- her Italian mother-in-law. I was absolutely flabbergasted when I got this sweet email with handwritten recipes attached!!! Their enthusiasm and ideas helped me get really excited about cooking.
--Mary Lou for sending place mats from GA and for a recipe,
--Di for posting on the comparison game. (Yeah, I didn't take the time to comment, but you encouraged me!!) The morning I read it, I had just seen pictures of another dinner where they had served three appetizers and three entrees and I was suddenly washed with uncertainty and fear that what I was doing was not enough. Reading her blog helped me put things back into perspective.
--Carol who came over and picked up Zachary on Thursday, so I could blast away on prep work,
--Kim who babysat last evening along with...
--Amber who also rescued this anti-yeast baker. And most of all...
--Steve who was the only reason I retained my sanity around 6:00, who cooked the alfredo sauce, cleaned out the carport and hung lights, gave ideas and reassurance, single-handedly served our six guests with class, washed by far the majority of the 179 dishes (Yes, he counted.), and much more.

Interesting side trip--While I was researching for the dinner, I found this website where you can hear the pronunciation of various Italian words. I am so in love with the sound of this language! Gorgeous--Listen here.

Definitely the most fun part for me was the decor. I especially liked making the place cards. I had a vague idea and when I looked at the paper at Hobby Lobby, I found a print that was exactly my ideas put together in one place--especially the colors. It was sort of like finding an inspiration image after the inspiration was already there. :D From there, the pieces just sort of came together.

Our carport is often a little unsightly, so when I first suggested serving dinner out there, Steve wasn't too sure about it. But after cleaning and some soft touches and darkness plus candlelight, it worked out pretty well. My original idea was to have two sheets hung and tied back to create a centered entrance, but I couldn't find my one white sheet. Amber had loaned me a white table cloth and I used our battenburg shower curtain beside it. The Shower curtain was several feet shorter, but when it was bunched up, you couldn't really tell.

The table decor took a few turns before the final outcome. I only had a hazy idea of what I was doing when we went shopping for supplies, so I sort of bought candle colors in faith that it would pull together. I was thinking maybe aqua and red and espresso. Then the placemats came. Mary Lou had warned me that they were pretty orange, but after I saw them I loved them too much not to use them. I could see aqua and orange, but just wasn't sure about those two, plus the red I had already used on the placecards. One of my friends stopped in at just the right time. I showed her the combo and she thought it could work.

I was really excited about that. Then when I set the table it was just too much. I ended up using only two placemats--at the ends of the table. A little strange maybe, but it worked visually. I'm not even sure I got a picture of the whole table which is rather sad. After that it was just adding candles and berries from the bushes behind the house. I LOVE living somewhere that I have things I can cut for accents pretty much year round!!!

And the food--

We started with regular Sweet Tea or Peach-Raspberry Tea; Stuffed, Baked Mushrooms for Appetizers; and a tossed Italian Salad and Bread with Dipping Oil.

Main course consisted of Chicken Scapollini, Fettucinni Alfredo (which I discovered later is Americanized pasta, not authentic Italian), and Steamed Green Beans with Lemon Pepper.

I was trying so many other new foods, that I decided to go with Luscious Four Layer Pumpkin Cake which I had made before (with white instead of yellow cake mix), Coffee, and Caramel Lattes for dessert.

Meanwhile the inside of my kitchen looked like this:

I have no idea how I could look so calm when I was feeling frazzled inside. Last evening I understood why sometimes you hear so much banging and shouting when you sit close to the kitchen in a restaurant. :D Everything went pretty much according to schedule and I even had the dishes washed up before the main last-minute flurry, but suddenly right around the time the meal started it seemed as though there were 20 things to do at once. I was a little disappointed I didn't have time to take pictures.

People were already arriving when Steve wondered if I hadn't started the chicken, yet. "Noooooo, I'm scared; so I'm just not doing it." He didn't think not starting it would help, so I made myself get cooking. Hopefully it felt a little more seamless from the outside where Steve efficiently handled the serving.

By the end of the meal, things had calmed down and we joined our friends for dessert.

They were a wonderful group to serve!!! Very relaxed and fun and full of compliments. The weather could not have been better--perfect temperture and no wind.

Jason and Carol

Darrell and Monica (Wow, too bad I don't get any practice taking pictures, so I can at least get the focus point on people's faces!)

Matt and Violet

and Steve and I

And then the magic ended and we tackled the clean up. Wow! What a job.
Today--enjoying leftovers in a clean kitchen.

[Sigh] What a happy, satisfied feeling.

Ideas, Anyone?

Sun, 04 Oct 2009 20:06:24 GMT

I've been dreaming about this for a long time, now suddenly it's almost here and I am trying not to panic. At our school sale this spring, Steve and I sold an Italian dinner for six. Before we ever sold it, I had some of the decor and menu thought out; but now that it's down to planning everything, I'm getting a little stuck.

Here are the sketchy details that I have planned so far--

Menu:

Salad:
Italian/Olive Garden salad
Bread--long loaf of some kind(recipes?) wrapped in brown or white paper; served with dipping oils

Appetizers:
Stuffed mushrooms
Other ideas?

Main Course:
Olive Garden Fettuccine Alfredo
?
? (Twice baked Ziti? Tortellini? )
I really need help w/ the main dish. I definitely want to make the fettuccine because I've made it before, I've been successful, and it's delicious. I would like at least one dish with a marinara sauce. I have a delicious lasagna recipe, but both lasagna and spaghetti seem a little ho-hum to me because I make them so often. Although I guess the spaghetti w/ marinara sauce spooned over it would step it up a little. And the meat? Should I just add chicken to the Alfredo? Should I make a Parmesan chicken? Surely there's some really delicious recipe out there that would complement this meal...? I cooked a homemade marinara sauce two weeks ago and I thought it was scrumptious. Steve thought it was mediocre and the next day after the high from creating my own recipe was gone, I wasn't so sure about it, either. Tried and true recipes?

Dessert:
Again, not sure at all.
Pumpkin cheese cake? Too heavy?
Pumpkin cake?
Individual chocolate bundt cakes with fudge sauce?
Something more Italian that I've never made before?

Beverages:
Water w/ lemon
Raspberry Peach Tea
Coffee
Cappacinno? Depends on how the rest of the prep goes.

Decor:
It'll be served in our carport, so I'm going to hang white sheets (which I need to find) at the entrance and tie them back on each side. I want to move our dining room table out, hang lots of lights. Add ficus trees or palms (anyone have some I could borrow?) and lots of candles. But that's as far as the concrete ideas go. I usually just try stuff and rearrange as I go. I won't have time to do that, so I really need to think this out ahead. Inspiration websites or ideas anyone???? This whole time I've been picturing white w/ bamboo placemats and olive green napkins. However, my dinnerware will be black and white, so the white/brown/green theme won't work too well. Maybe black and red? It gives it a very different feel. :/ I need ideas for the centerpiece, place cards, garnishes, and decor in general.

I really hope someone can make sense of that jumble and help me fill in the blanks!!!

Triple That

Sun, 04 Oct 2009 02:33:47 GMT

Today on October the third
Zachary is three years old
Ian is three months old for the last time

Loving the Temporary Solo Status

Wed, 30 Sep 2009 22:18:32 GMT

To do list for Tuesday afternoon-Friday:
--Finish Cleaning
--Finish laundry
--Iron
--Clean/rearrange bedroom
--Sew dress
--Redo picture display
--Catch up on emailing
--Rework wedding packages
--Shopping/supper at Olive Garden with friends
--Coffee shop
--Pick up gift certificate
--Clean out fridge
--Scout for new portrait locations
--Compare Alice.com/diapers.com
--Portrait session
--Wash/press/Deliver consignments to Agnes' Closet
--Make tuna salad (I love it; Steve hates it.)
--Mend tan dress
--Plan menus for next week
--Groceries
--Buy plants for carport planters
--Back up personal pictures
--Read magazines

And why do I think there's even a chance I'd get a fraction of those things done?

Because only Ian and I are here. He's an angel. It's quiet. I can power through jobs like you wouldn't believe. I can work on the floor (my favorite space!) without having my stuff be trampled on. I don't have to fix cranes or hook up plows or clean up messes or read stories or discipline or help with a puzzle piece that's crooked or wipe a bottom or prompt hand washing or get meals or you know...all that stuff. My every thought is not interrupted by a question or a, "Mommy, look at...."

Yes, I'm loving it.

I love not cooking. I don't love the headache that I got because I had a muffin and latte for lunch, a cookie for a snack (my diet is on a semi-break, too), and a few pieces of ham and crackers for supper.

I love that the house stays exactly like I leave it--even if that's half wreck sometimes.

I love that I can dash up to the attic without waiting on someone to catch up with me.

I love that I can sleep in because no one yells, "Mommy, I'm ready to get up now."

I love that by the weekend I'll be ready to love all the things I'm loving having a break from loving.

Oh, and no weekly review since no schedule means that I totally forgot today was Wednesday. Ahh, this is a fun life.

Wednesday's Weekly Review:* Great Value brand Brococoli

Wed, 23 Sep 2009 17:25:19 GMT

I've expressed my love (loudly, and obnoxiously clears throat) for Wal*Mart earlier, so this review might not be too shocking.

I've been shopping generic brands the last seven years now. Sometimes there really isn't that much difference between generic brands and "real" brands, but other times the difference is outstanding.

Great Value (what an oxymoron!) is one of my least liked brands. Take for example our vegetable for supper the other night:

Four words: You call that broccoli?

Seriously, Wal*Mart, what happens? Green Giant chops their broccoli and you quickly scoop up the discarded stems, package them, and label it "Great." Tsk. Tsk. Tsk. Please, check your dictionaries.

Find earlier reviews, click here: Previous Reviews

*I know. I'm really setting myself up for failure. But the concept is cool, I think

Zachary Quotes

Wed, 23 Sep 2009 01:38:33 GMT

Laughter--whether out loud or hidden inside--is very common at our house. Zachary and I both like having fun and laughing together. Steve doesn't laugh easily, so I was really tickled when Zachary understood my sense of humor already by the time he was two. Sometimes he'll try to crack me up then if it doesn't work say, "Laugh about that." When he's not trying is when it's really funny. He's at that stage of saying things that aren't quite right, or words that are a stretch for his knowledge, or just plain great observations. I don't nearly record enough of them, but I try to write at least one per week.

An example of four things you can construct using only a straw and your imagination in five minutes or less: "I made a xylophone!...now it's a starfish...I'm going to make a shooter thing--it's quite high...it's a dog collar that is a tickler, tickle, tickle, tickle."

He begs to be tickled and just wiggling my fingers above him sends him into spasms of giggles. "Tickle me! Tickle me!" sometimes turns into, "Now, I'm the mom....tickle, tickle, tickle."

Pointing at Ian who was wearing an outfit we have a picture of Zachary wearing: "Momma, that's me when I was a little baby!"

(Zachary at 6 mo., awww, I wish I could pick him up and kiss him!)

Last Monday night I bought a back hoe to put on Zachary's birthday cake. I was going to hide it, but forgot and he caught a glimpse as I walked in from the car. He MADLY grabbed at the bags. "WHAT is it?! What IS it?!!" He yanked the box out of the bag and delightedly checked it out, "I have ALWAYS wanted this!!!!" Slowly I worked on undoing the twisties as he stood just waiting to get his hands on it, "I am SO CURIOUS what it is!" :)

Taking a big gulp of Coke: "Mmmmm, this makes me go 'Buh-les you'!" (bless you--I think he was expecting to hic-cup.)
I just gave Zachary a pack of smarties. "I am delighted!" he said.

"Yesterday I picked my boogie and, and it did not have germs!"

"It's so high--like Atlanta!" (We drove through downtown when we flew to Texas in August; he loved seeing all the skyscrapers .)

Me, dressing Ian in a pair of pants that I had just bought for him: "Buddy, you are bigger than I thought you are!"
Zachary: "Can he play with me now?"

Z [almost crooning] to me:"What's wrong, Sweetie? Shall I hold you? Come." Pats my back. Rubs my arm. "It's okay. Do you feel better now?"

Clinging very tightly to my leg: "Mom, could you, please, give me some space?"

"My arm is beginning to bleed."

So often these days he tells me things like:
"Sure!!! Momma, I did not say, 'no,' I just said, 'Sure!'"
"When Samantha was at my house, I did not grab. I just shared with her."
"I did not even fuss about it. I just stopped."
"I did not take your chair...no...I was just respectful."
I'm just as proud of him as he is of himself. It is so, so, so, so, so encouraging to see the beginning of the reward of allllllllll the training we've been doing the last year and a half! It's been incredibly intense, but now seeing a gentle spirit emerging (I did say emerging...it's a work in progress. :) ) is a gift from God!

Zachary--my favorite three year old